SAN ANTONIO -

Since some of you wonder how there can be so many “stars” (162 have competed), you should be a little bit familiar with these “all-stars.” Thirteen stars have hit the spray tan, sequined their wardrobe and dared to put on those dance shoes for this season. Let’s get right to the dancing!

COUPLE: Joey & Kym
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
These two competed together during season four. This is the first (but not the last time) I will say this guy could win. They’re dancing to some old Michael Jackson (P.Y.T.) and it makes me happy. Also, Joey must have been practicing because it does not look like he forgot what he learned so many seasons ago. It was definitely hippy! Also, fellas, Kym was sporting a fringe jumpsuit. You should be watching for things like that (it’s not just a ladies show!).
Len said the judges expect some better than good dancing. The judges are also able to give half-points. He said Joey’s like a boomerang – throw him out and back he comes. He said Joey’s full of enthusiasm, had funny posture. He said it was overall spectacular. Bruno said Joey also brings it on and gives it large. HUH? He said Joey had a lot of fantastic Michael Jackson touches, but his foot placement was off at times. Carrie Ann said Joey is one of her favorite showmen. She said it was the way to start off the all star season. Then, Tom jumped in. Apparently, Carrie Ann wasn’t finished talking. She did not seem happy.
SCORE: 20.5

COUPLE: Shawn & Derek
DANCE: Fox Trot
Shawn and Mark won season eight. She retired from gymnastics (at age 20) because of a knee injury. Holy cow! What knee injury? Shawn is SO good! This was not easy choreography. Derek had Shawn moving all over the floor at what seemed like faster than a fox speed! My least favorite thing about the show: so many contestants the dances are short! BOO! I want longer dances!!!
Bruno said “The precious little princess is now a floor scorcher.” He thought the dance was a little bit of a cha cha cha at times. He said the dance has to be a little bit more refined. Carrie Ann said “that is what all star season is all about.” She said Shawn’s technique and posture were the perfect package. She loved it. Len said what Shawn did, she did well. He said he’s a “cup of tea in a world of lattes.” He didn’t think it felt or looked like a fox trot at times. He did say Shawn is a good dancer.
SCORE: 22

COUPLE: Sabrina & Louis
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
Sabrina was sent home on the sixth week of season five. She was chosen to compete this time by the viewers. If the judges didn’t see Sabrina’s hips, I’m here to tell you they’re like Shakira’s – they don’t lie. This made Joey’s fun cha cha cha look like it was slow. Good. Stuff.
Carrie Ann said “my favorite firecracker is back in the house.” She said Sabrina came back with a fire under her boo-tay and she kicked the dance’s booty. She said sometimes Sabrina overdances and it throws her off balance. Len said the dance was clean and precise, but it needs finesse. The audience booed. He liked the dance – his favorite so far. Bruno said Sabrina unleashed fury on the dance floor. He said she missed a few passes. He said he was happy for her to be back.
SCORE: 22.5

COUPLE: Helio & Chelsie
DANCE: Fox Trot
Helio won season five with Julianne. ZOMG! His little girl is adorable! I expect this former champ to be even better than before. Or else. Now THIS is a fox trot! Graceful. Not sassy. Lots of fun! This even seemed to have a little Broadway influence. Happy dance from my sofa!
Helio got a standing ovation before he danced. Len said it was a joy to watch – mostly. He pointed out some issues with Helio’s feet. Bruno said Helio has a bright, engaging stage presence that people see his face and forget his feet. He said Helio did well. Carrie Ann said Helio’s charisma and charm is infectious. She wanted to see more body contact.
SCORE: 21.5

COUPLE: Pamela & Tristan
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
Oh, how far Tristan has come from dancing with Nancy Grace! Pamela was booted from season ten. This marks the first time I’m writing this season about Pamela’s uncombed hair. Anyone else distracted by this or are your eyes focusing lower? Dirty birds. This is a family show. Wait. I take that back now that I’ve seen her costume. It’s barely covering more than her old “Baywatch” bathing suit. It’s official! We have our first awkward dance. How can a woman who makes a living being sexy only show it in her eyes? Her legs were strange. It looked like Tristan was leading her through the whole thing. If you ever want me to tell you all my secrets, you’ll make me watch this again.
Bruno said Pamela has to put the work in. He said she’s a good performer, but there wasn’t enough work in this dance. How can that be? They’ve been training for, like, six weeks? Carrie Ann said she was living the drama. She said it was uncomfortable because her body didn’t have the right technique. Len said it was like a kid on a bike when you take the training wheels off. He said it was a bit shaky, but she didn’t fall off.
SCORE: 17

COUPLE: Melissa & Tony
DANCE: Fox Trot
Melissa competed with Tony in season eight. They finished third. If Tony can’t win that mirrorball tropy with Melissa this time, I don’t think he’ll ever win it! I don’t think I’ve ever seen this dance start with the splits. I wanted more dancing in hold. I didn’t hate this, I just felt like it was a lot of solo-type moves.
The audience liked this. Carrie Ann said Melissa had exquisite lines, but she wanted more body contact. Len said the dance was a little bit theatrical. The audience booed. He liked it. Bruno said it had fluidity. He said Melissa got stronger and sexier, but the dance needed more body contact. Overall, he thought it was excellent.
SCORE: 21

COUPLE: Apolo & Karina
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
Apolo won season four. This time, he’s paired with Karina. He said he’s winning a second trophy. We’ll see. Holy glow in the dark costumes! OK. I’m on board! At times, this felt a bit more freestyle than cha cha cha, but I don’t care. It was a party. Some might say a party rock?
Len said it wasn’t a gold medal performance – it needed more hip action. He said Apolo came out and sold it. Bruno said Apolo was buzzing “you eager beaver.” He said Apolo’s arm extensions were exquisite. He complimented Apolo’s foot placement. Carrie Ann said Apolo got 3,000 times more sexy. She said it was the hip action.
SCORE: 22

COUPLE: Gilles & Peta
DANCE: Fox Trot
Gilles was a finalist with Cheryl in season eight. I <3 Gilles. There. I said it. This was classic fox trot. They were in hold for almost all of the dance. I felt like I was watching an old Fred Astaire movie. Just magical!
Bruno said it was technically good. He wanted to see it again. Carrie Ann said she missed Gilles. ME, TOO! She said it was poetic. Len said the dance had great balance. He thought Gilles did a perfect job.
SCORE: 24

COUPLE: Bristol & Mark
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
Bristol competed with Mark on season eleven. Bristol seems less shy than she was last time. I can’t believe I’m writing this but it was actually sexier than sex kitten Pamela’s dance.
Carrie Ann said Bristol is the most improved. She said Bristol’s legs were beautiful. She said Bristol needs a little more pop. Len said Bristol is more confident. He said she has great legs. He said her arms need to be more fluid. Bruno said Bristol was giving it. He said she has to keep the focus.
SCORE: 19.5

COUPLE: Drew & Anna
DANCE: Fox Trot
Drew won season two with Cheryl. Anna was second with Jerry Rice. Another happy dance! I wanted this one to go on forever! I didn’t love it more than the fox trot Gilles did, but it was light and hoppy (totally a dance term – look it up).
Len said he liked it, but it was too hard and hectic. He said Drew has to work on some things (he was getting cranky and I couldn’t focus). Bruno said it looked like Drew and Anna danced together forever. He said there are some places Drew has to ease it up. Carrie Ann said she Drew’s posture was fabulous because sometimes Drew’s dance gets a little frigid.
SCORE: 21.5

COUPLE: Kelly & Val
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
Kelly won season one – but not with Val. Her season was just six weeks long (not this death march of a dance season – it’s how it feels when you’re writing a recap and staying up into the early morning hours). Val was taken back by Kelly’s chest. Hope he gets used to it! Kelly might have been wearing the smallest costume of the night. And we’ve also seen our first dude chest of the season! So much fun! It was a smooth, speedy dance. Loved it!
Bruno said it was sexier and hotter than ever. Kelly’s never done this dance before. He said she was a stunner. He told her to strut her legs. Carrie Ann said Apolo isn’t the only one who got a whole bunch sexier. She said Kelly and Val had great chemistry. She said Kelly needs to watch her legs and eyes. Len said Kelly wasn’t that good season one. Carrie Ann pointed out that Kelly won. Len said the choreography was good. He said Kelly needs to lower her shoulders. He loved it.
SCORE: 21.5

COUPLE: Kirstie & Maks
DANCE: Fox Trot
Kirstie finished second on season twelve. These two have such fun chemistry! I’m SO happy they’re back together! I was totally on board with these two until Kirstie wound up on the floor and Maks dragged her around. Aside from that, I liked it. Not love. Yet.
Carrie Ann had to wait for the audience to stop cheering. She said Kirstie tells the story with her full body. She said it was beautiful, but she didn’t think Kirstie turned it up all the way. She said it wasn’t as sharp as it could be. Len said Kirstie has to lift up her rib cage – lift it to shift it. He said the dance needed refining. Booing. Bruno said Kirstie is always emotive. He stood up, did some crazy movement, then said Kirstie needs to work on her shoulders, frame and footwork. Kirstie gave Tom a big, ol’ smooch. She said it was for his Emmy.
SCORE: 19

COUPLE: Emmitt & Cheryl
DANCE: Cha Cha Cha
These two won the mirrorball trophy season three. Cheryl has won the show twice. I hope I don’t get in too much trouble for writing this, but (how to put this?) Cheryl is kind of dancing in underwear covered by sparkly sheer material. I mean, I spotted this in the newsroom Monday night and didn’t realize I said out loud, “She’s dancing in panties!” and I heard at least one other person say, “Yeah, she is.” Is this why they danced last? I’m rewinding and staring over so I can focus on the dancing. Oh, who am I kidding? These two are practically perfect! Good stuff!
Len said Emmitt was great. He said it was the best dance of the evening. Bruno said it was the essence of uplifting fun. Carrie Ann gave it a “Yabba dabba do!” She said Emmitt was born to dance.
SCORE: 24.5

Tuesday night, Justin Bieber and Pitbull will perform. Then, one couple is going home Tuesday (looking at you, Pamela). Look for a recap of the elimination show this time tomorrow. 

If you want to watch the show online, click here. The show's official recap should have music information posted here later.

SLIDESHOW: Dancing With the Stars: All-Stars season premiere

Published On: Sep 25 2012 11:47:39 AM CDT   Updated On: Sep 25 2012 11:48:04 AM CDT
All-star cast returns to Dancing With the Stars ballroom

From former champions to fan favorites, including a celebrity voted in by fans, the All-Star cast along with their professional partners returned to the ballroom on the season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars."

Dancing With The Stars: All-Stars Cast
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DANCING WITH THE STARS: ALL-STARS - "Episode 1501" - From former champions to fan favorites, including a celebrity voted in by fans, the All-Star cast along with their professional partners returned to the ballroom on the season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars," MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 (8:00-10:01 p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network. All 13 couples hit the stage performing either the Cha Cha or the Foxtrot to impress the judges and viewers at home. CHERYL BURKE, EMMITT SMITH, KIRSTIE ALLEY, MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, KELLY MONACO, VALENTIN CHMERKOVSKIY, PETA MURGATROYD, GILLES MARINI, BRISTOL PALIN, ANNA TREBUNSKAYA, DREW LACHEY, KARINA SMIRNOFF, APOLO ANTON OHNO, MELISSA RYCROFT, TONY DOVOLANI, PAMELA ANDERSON, TRISTAN MACMANUS, CHELSIE HIGHTOWER, SABRINA BRYAN, LOUIS VAN AMSTEL, SHAWN JOHNSON, DEREK HOUGH, KYM JOHNSON, JOEY FATONE