SAN ANTONIO -

The top nine couples perform a brand new style of dance this week. And Paula Abdul is a guest judge. If she brings her “American Idol” style of judging, Bruno might be the tame one at the judge’s desk! On to the dancing!

COUPLE: Kirstie & Maks

DANCE: Charleston

Judging by the footage from rehearsal, it looks like Maks may be trying to kill Kirstie. There was a lot of her falling on the ground. Maybe she’s just not going to be able to pull this off? And this starts with Kirstie popping up out of a cake. Mostly. If you watch Kirstie from the waist up, she’s not bad. Her footwork is not great. She did pull off the cartwheel (not sure I could have done that). Towards the end, she and Maks spent a lot of time on the floor doing something. I’m not sure if that was part of the routine. It was fun, but I’m worried Kirstie isn’t going to get the scores she wants.

Len said Kirstie turns Monday into fun days. He said he wanted it a little cleaner, but she’s the best at fun. Paula said Kirstie takes on the role each week of the characters. She said Kirstie’s a joy to watch. Bruno said he loves Kirstie for being a mad woman. Carrie Ann said Kirstie looks stunning. She said Kirstie played to her strengths and she entertained. She said the dance could have been a little tighter.

SCORE: 30

COUPLE: Bristol & Mark

DANCE: Rock & Roll

It appears Bristol & Mark are back on good terms after last week’s meltdown. Mark wanted to dress in a rabbit costume. Bristol (smartly) spoke up to say that’s not a great idea. Bristol was asking Mark to make the dance easier. He wants her to do more. Uh oh. There were a lot of kicks. Mark spun Bristol in the air for a few beats. She seemed to get lost or lose her energy around the halfway point. Knowing how good the other contestants are, this seemed like something you’d see at an under-10 dance competition.

Paula said Bristol has improved and is having fun. She told Bristol Mark is trying to push her boundaries. Bruno said Bristol was hitting all the steps. He said she stayed focus. Carrie Ann gave Bristol a high five and told her she did a good job. Um, did we watch the same dance? She said Bristol lost a little steam at the end. Len said Bristol gave it her all. He said it was a little safe on occasion.

SCORE: 32

COUPLE: Sabrina & Louis

DANCE: Disco

OMG! I totally dig a disco! They can be lift-tastic! I’m crossing my fingers while typing that Sabrina pulls this off! She has disco hair! But why is she dressed like Cookie Monster? Oh, never mind. That blue furry coat came off to reveal a gold sparkly dress. Holy flips and fast feet! WOW! The crowd – even the Palins – were dancing along with her! LOVED THIS! If there’s not at least one 9 from the judges, I will shout bad things at my TV!

Bruno said Sabrina is a disco diva! He said it was Sabrina’s most vibrant and alive performance, but she lost timing twice. That was news to the other judges. Carrie Ann said Bruno might have been off beat. She said Sabrina was vibrant and beautiful. She said Sabrina was not off key, but she had one bad dismount. Paula did not like Bruno yelling in her ear. Len was having a 70s flashback. He thought it was fabulous. Paula thought it was a great homage to Studio 54. She said Louis choreographed to Sabrina’s strengths. She said there were a few missteps.

SCORE: 35.5 (Paula gave it an 8.5 – everyone else a 9)

COUPLE: Emmitt & Cheryl

DANCE: Balero

This is a Cuban dance. Cheryl has never trained in it. She brought in four experts to teach them. Emmitt was really strong on the lifts. I didn’t know what to expect from this dance. It was a lot of slow moves with some hip action. I love Emmitt, but whichever couple picked this for him was not nice (Kelly & Val). Even though it was nice, I was kind of bored with this.

Carrie Ann said there is nothing better than watching a big, burly man get all dramatic and sexy. She said Emmitt was graceful and meant it when he gave Cheryl “that hip thing.” Len said Balero is slow, but he thought Emmitt coped well. Paula said it was exquisite and sensual. She said Emmitt is a “sexy beast.” Bruno said the mood was steamier than August in Louisiana. He stood up and gyrated explaining Emmitt “just got it, man.” What am I watching?

SCORE: 36

COUPLE: Gilles & Peta

DANCE: Bollywood

Oh, I love this style – when it’s done right! I adore Gilles, but I’m afraid to see him do this. These two have never seen this style before. It is fast and really hard. When they were actually doing Bollywood moves, these two weren’t bad. However, it dipped into ballroom-type dancing. I do appreciate shirtless Gilles. This wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t as good as Bollywood can be. Google, it people.

Len said he knew nothing about Bollywood, but he liked this. He said whatever dance is thrown at Gilles, he commits and goes for it 100%. Paula did what I think was an impression of Bruno. I don’t know what she said. Then, Bruno jumped up and said “A Bollywood star is born!” Carrie Ann said it was beyond belief. She said Aladdin has nothing on Gilles. Clearly I need some of what the judges are having.