SAN ANTONIO – For years, Charles thought he understood what domestic violence looked like.
He had seen it in his own family.
But when he found himself in an abusive relationship, Charles says he couldn’t recognize the warning signs until it was too late.
“I never did realize it. I could see the signs on other people’s relationships, but when I’m in it myself, I never could see it until it was too late,” he said.
Charles’ mother was murdered by her ex-husband in the early 1990s.
In 2013, his sister was murdered by her boyfriend.
Charles says those experiences stayed with him — and in 2024, he says his family’s history of domestic violence became part of his own story.
He recalls one night when his former partner attacked him with a knife.
“That night that he went after me with the knife, that’s the first thing that came to my mind, because that’s what my sister’s boyfriend did,” he said.
Charles says he now understands why leaving an abusive relationship isn’t always as simple as it may sound.
He says he felt responsible for helping his former partner, whose mother had recently died of an overdose.
“He didn’t have anyone,” Charles said. “And I kept on telling him, ‘Oh, he’s going to change.’ If I don’t help him, no one’s going to help him.”
Charles says he contacted police multiple times during his relationship.
According to court records, his former partner was arrested and charged twice with misdemeanor assault. Both cases were dismissed.
The violence later escalated.
In 2024, Charles’ former partner was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, a felony.
Court records also show violations of a protective order while the defendant was out on bond.
The defendant ultimately received four years of deferred adjudication.
Charles says he is frustrated that his former partner did not receive prison time.
“To know that he could be in prison right now, it’s a very upsetting thing,” he said.
Charles believes domestic violence was not taken seriously enough in his case and wants to see more resources for same-sex relationships.
For Charles, breaking the cycle means making sure victims don’t feel alone.
Charles asked KSAT not to show his face because of safety concerns. His former partner still lives in San Antonio, he says.
Despite those concerns, Charles says he felt it was important to speak out — for his mother, his sister and himself.
“I know that it’s a cycle that needs to be broken,” he said.
If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, there is so much help for you. KSAT has a list of resources on its Domestic Violence webpage, which also explains how to identify different types of abuse.
Survivors in unincorporated Bexar County who are not in current emergencies can fill out an online form to get in touch with STAR specialists.
Anyone in immediate danger should call 911.
For wrap-around services, including the Battered Women and Children’s Shelter, call Family Violence Prevention Services at (210) 733-8810.
You can also contact the Bexar County Family Justice Center, which also provides wrap-around services at (210) 631-0100.
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