SAN ANTONIO – For months, KSAT has been covering topics surrounding pregnancy and infertility during the pandemic, answering viewer questions and hearing many raw and honest stories. Those stories inspired a member of the KSAT family to come forward with his experience with miscarriage during the pandemic.
KSAT web producer Ben Spicer and his wife Elle felt it was important to open up about a tough topic they know is rarely discussed.
Back in August, the couple was thrilled to find out they were expecting a sibling for their 2 1/2-year-old son, Wesley.
“We had a textbook pregnancy with Wesley. Everything went great,” Elle said.
However, their first ultrasound appointment at nine weeks stopped them in their tracks.
“They were doing the initial, ‘Let’s find out where baby is.’ And it was just silent, and she immediately turned the screen. I had (Ben) on the phone,” Elle said.
During that time of the pandemic, Ben wasn’t allowed to be at the appointment that changed their lives forever.
“It tore at me to know I couldn’t console her, I couldn’t hold her hand, tell her we were going to get through this,” Ben said.
They told Elle miscarriage was possible, and sure enough, it happened.
“Because of the pandemic, before vaccines, the reality was we didn’t have that frequency that people could come around and keep you busy and keep you occupied,” Ben said.
“It felt very isolating. People felt for you, but they didn’t know what you were going through unless they had been through that experience. And a lot of friends and family reached out and said, ‘We had a miscarriage.’ And we had never known,” Elle said.
The couple learned up to 25% of detected pregnancies end in miscarriage, and the total percentage is likely more, considering many happen before a woman knows she’s pregnant.
“It’s so common and just not discussed,” Ben said. “It’s kind of taboo. It’s kind of a thing that’s brushed aside, so if we have the opportunity to open that door a little bit and allow people to realize there’s other people out there who have gone through the same thing I have.”
Their baby’s due date would have been in early June.
“We got closer and closer to what would have potentially been our due date, and knowing that just wasn’t going to happen for us,” Ben said.
The couple decided to use that grief for good. They said they felt surprising comfort opening up about their pain, knowing they would be empowering others who were healing from losses of their own.
“Take it day by day. Give yourself grace. You’ll have harder days, you’ll have easier days, but you’ll come out on the other side,” Elle said.
If you are struggling with miscarriage, talk to your physician about ways you and your family can get support.