SAN ANTONIO – From the service industry to serving Jesus, Nico Bonner is working to help people with religious trauma heal in the San Antonio and Houston communities.
Bonner’s big revelation came to her the day before her 33rd birthday in 2022. She and her wife, Jessica, were in a major car crash. They survived without any severe injuries.
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“It led me to the realization that I had been in so many different situations where I shouldn’t be here anymore,” Bonner said. “And I realized that God does love me and that, in that accident, he kept us. He kept us so well that, even in a total accident, we were able to walk away. We didn’t have broken bones. Paramedics and police officers were amazed.”
Holding back some tears, Bonner recalled her feelings about God after the crash.
“I think I felt frustrated because I didn’t realize how much God had loved me, and how much God loves me, and how far I strayed just because I didn’t know,” Bonner said. “And what I’ve been taught and what I’ve been told was so ingrained in me that there was a time in my life where I was asking people if they would prefer to go to straight heaven or gay hell. I think back on that now, I’m like, ‘Man, I was really condemning myself, condemning my community, because of what I’ve been told.’ And I just thought of the injustice that was being done because I really thought that there was no salvation.”
Bonner explored and reconciled her faith with the help of her wife and family. She had a plan to make others feel loved and accepted and to ensure that there was representation for people on the same journey.
“With that, a lot of prayer. It’s asking God for purpose and telling him that if he has a purpose for me, that when he reveals it, I will follow,” she said.
Bonner gave two weeks’ notice at her job and retired from the service industry to embark on a new journey.
From those revelations came the idea of Flaming for Jesus, a nonprofit formed in 2023 to help people who have suffered through religious trauma.
“I think the biggest service that we provide would be that representation,” Bonner said. “Just knowing that — one, there is reconciliation out there. There is hope. There is community. There are religious institutions or non-religious institutions that will welcome and accept you.”
Bonner recently completed training to become a certified mental health peer specialist to facilitate groups and provide community support.
Flaming for Jesus also points people in the right direction and partners with other organizations to refer people for other necessary resources.
The organization has partnered with Form Communities and the Metropolitan Community Church in San Antonio to raise awareness for mental health and religious inclusion and acceptance.
Bonner recently held a mental health educational workshop to inform people about how to get help. She also conducts webinars on religious trauma.
“People might not even know that they have been traumatized by religion or that this is actually an issue and the effects that come from it, which will mostly be mental health effects, which would lead to physical health effects and overall wellness,” Bonner said.
She wants people who are experiencing religious trauma to know that they aren’t alone and shouldn’t feel fear or shame. Some who need help will go into religious organizations and run the risk of being retraumatized because they’re rejected.
Bonner said the first step is acknowledging that you want to have a relationship with God.
“He’s literally right here, just waiting for you to just meet Him.,” she said. “... There’s no boxes to check. There’s no hoops to jump through. There’s no ‘Fix yourself, and then come to him.’ There’s no ‘You’re too gay. You’re too strict.’ No, you’re just you. You’re just His child. And just like any good parent, loved and accepted, unconditional, regardless of that.”
Bonner stressed that Flaming for Jesus is not just for one religion or trying to push certain beliefs.
“We don’t challenge anyone’s faith or spirituality or their beliefs. We challenge the system, certainly. And we don’t pressure anyone into believing,” she said.
Flaming for Jesus will have a virtual support group on Aug. 6. The goal is to have in-person meetings soon at Pride Center San Antonio. Find more details about the virtual groups here.
The organization also works in Houston and is starting relationships with agencies there to help people across both metros.
You can find more information on Flaming for Jesus’ website or Instagram.