SAN ANTONIO – EDITOR’S NOTE: This story includes discussion of domestic violence. If you or someone you know needs help, a full list of resources can be found on our website.
It is a story people will rarely hear: a former domestic violence perpetrator admitting to their actions and talking about the interventions that turned their lives around.
KSAT’s Courtney Friedman moderated two panels on Friday for the City of San Antonio and Bexar County’s Collaborative Commission on Domestic Violence.
One of those panels was with two men who identified themselves as former abusers and how they dedicated their lives to speaking against their previous behavior.
With brutal honesty, they told the crowd about the things they had done.
“It kind of gradually progressed in regards (to) manipulation and other things across the entirety of my adulthood,” Montgomery McCrory said during the panel. “I had choked a woman and held her captive.”
For Ricardo Munoz, the peak incident was towards his ex-girlfriend’s adult son, who lived with them at the time.
“I pretty much grabbed him in a headlock,” Munoz said during the panel. “I think my ex-girlfriend, I ended up pushing her at some point. I don’t remember. I was intoxicated. There was a warrant out for my arrest.”
For each of these men, these were their turning points.
McCrory and Munoz both entered Batterer Intervention and Prevention Programs, which is also known as BIPP.
“The trail of trauma, the trail of people that I had hurt, the things that I’d done,” McCrory said. “Just looking at those things was ... the weight was almost overbearing.”
“I had family issues. My mother had passed away. I had a lot of financial stress,” Munoz said. “I really used that as justification for my actions, and that was something that I had to really work past. That was not OK.”
They learned about things such as the Power and Control Wheel.
“What it showed is the symptoms of the overarching desire to control or manipulate your spouse or significant other,” McCrory said. “So, that’s one of things I kind of go back to and look at in regards to the way that I’m operating in my life — just to make sure that I am not doing anything like that.”
McCrory and Munoz now advocate in different ways for nonviolence, shattering cultural norms of how men are expected to behave and break past cycles of abuse.
“We saw a lot of the abuse — physical abuse from my father to my mother, and we witnesses it firsthand,“ Munoz said. ”Growing up, I was trying to convince myself that I was never going to be a part of that, and here I am. It still happened."
He and McCrory said they both work on themselves daily, using the tools they learned and connecting with others who help hold them accountable.
During Friday’s panel discussion, they had messages for people who are currently displaying abusive behaviors.
“Being abusive and trying to take out your anger and violence on another person, there’s no reason for it,” Munoz said. “There is no excuse for that. There is a way to change that, and you just have to be wanting and willing to do it.”
“I would say that there’s another way,” McCrory said. “Acknowledge that what you’re doing is wrong. I would say that there’s hope at the end of it.”
They know how few people are willing to talk about this topic. Munoz and McCrory hope, by being transparent, they can encourage others to do the same.
“We just need to find a way to start being able to talk about it,” Munoz said. “To be able to be vulnerable enough to say that, ‘Yes, I’ve done these things. Yes, I have hurt people.’”
“I think, if the stigma around domestic violence was really marginalized and really put into perspective, a lot more people would come forth and share their stories,” McCrory said.
Their shared separate powerful messages for domestic violence survivors.
“I would like to say I’m deeply empathetic and apologetic that those things have happened to you,” McCrory said. “On behalf of the abuser side of it, these things aren’t OK, and I hope there’s healing.”
“I think you guys are all incredibly strong, a great example of survival and resilience,” Munoz said. “What we as perpetrators have tried to take from you, you guys have been able to stand back up and say, ‘No, you don’t.’ And I also tell you that I’m making a commitment to — instead of being a part of the problem — being a part of this solution."
They, along with experts in the field, believe funding BIPP programs is key to stopping the cycles of violence and keeping more people safe.
Both McCrory and Munoz hope people, who are currently displaying abusive behavior, will see and hear their stories and voluntarily join a BIPP program.
They are also willing to speak personally with anyone wanting to change.
Anyone interested in learning more about or join a BIPP program can call Family Violence Prevention Services at (210) 930-3669 or visit their website’s BIPP page.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there is a long list of resources on KSAT’s Domestic Violence page which includes a breakdown of what abuse is, and how it builds gradually.
If you are in crisis, you can:
- call or text 911
- call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233
- call the local Family Violence Prevention Services, which runs the shelter (Crisis Number: 210-733-8810, Programs and Administration: 210-930-3669)
- call the Bexar County Family Justice Center at 210-631-0100.
More coverage of this story on KSAT: