SAN ANTONIO – Desiree Holmes is often the first person families meet on the worst day of their lives. She’s the one answering every call and the one who has walked through grief herself.
“I’m very active. I’m a runner and all of the things,” said Holmes, director of bereavement support at ABC of Southwest Texas.
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She’s training two additional staff members to help with bereavement services for families and guardians in San Antonio.
“You know, I want to get my two girls really set up and taking the calls because right now, I’m taking all of the calls and doing everything else because I’m training them. So this week they’re, like, taking their own calls,” Desiree said.
To help families and parents who are in such a grief-stricken state, Desiree said that beyond candidates with degrees in psychology or backgrounds in ministry or social work, she looks for particular traits in people.
“A strong fortitude is a really important thing,” she said. “Because I’ll interview, like, 12 people for the job, and you can just tell when you’re interviewing someone when their eyes water or like, you know, they’re not in it for the right reason. It’s just, there’s no heart. It just takes a special person to be able to do this.”
For the last five years, Desiree has helped families and guardians during one of the most unthinkable and emotional times in their lives: the loss of a child.
It’s a pain she can relate to and a purpose that initially made her reluctant to take on the role. In 2007 and 2008, Desiree was battling her own grief after losing a child.
“I’ve actually walked through it myself several times, years and decades ago, but still, it’s a new normal even. We were just talking about that this morning. Like, even though it’s happened decades ago, it’s still when someone comes up to you at the memorial. I’ve had two ectopic pregnancies, right, I know what that’s like because I’ve had two as well.
She said it was important to get her heart and mind right before stepping into this role. With fortitude of her own, Desiree now assists families and loved ones.
She’s walking alongside families in her community who are in need of the tenderest comfort.
“I felt the call and the pull to help just take the pain and make it into purpose, like, bigger than me. You know, there’s some people out there that need a hug and just need to know that it’s OK, that you can get on the other side, you know.”
She said sometimes families don’t call right away or are reluctant to do anything because they are grieving so deeply. From being cursed at to trying to comfort fathers who are wailing on the phone, Desiree said she considers her role a privilege.
Her goal is not to judge or fix those who are in a time of grief, but to walk alongside them, give them the support they need and make sure they are better off than they were when they walked through her doors the first day.
“It’s an honor because they’re not going to allow just anybody in that space, even family, you know, so they have come to us because they need the help. That is still just an honor to be able to sit there with them,” Desiree said.
She said she and her team help 30 to 50 new clients each month.
“We do receive referrals from families who have not lost their child yet, but they know that it’s coming soon. So, we sit through them with that process too and get them set up with their funeral home early. So that way when that happens, they have a little bit of clarity of, OK, this is what I need to do next,” Desiree said.
ABC of Southwest Texas supports families and individuals in Bexar County and 16 additional counties: Atascosa, Bandera, Blanco, Comal, Edwards, Frio, Gillespie, Gonzales, Guadalupe, Kendall, Kerr, Kimble, Median, Real, Uvalde and Wilson.
They offer services at no cost for families and guardians who have lost a child from birth to age 18. Desiree said their goal is not only to support families in their immediate needs, but also to walk alongside them in their ongoing healing through support groups and counseling.
In 2025, ABC of Southwest Texas reported helping nearly 370 newly enrolled families with bereavement services.
According to ABC of Southwest Texas, Bexar County’s infant mortality rates remain high by national standards, have not shown a clear decline recently and the lack of access to care continues to be a major concern. She said the majority of their families who have experienced stillbirths have faced losses due to several diagnoses, such as Trisomy 18, placental abruptions and genetic disorders.
Families come to them in many different circumstances, from parents who have experienced a miscarriage at home and are unsure of next steps to families who have lost a child to suicide and are seeking personalized services, such as a custom casket.
“Faith, family, fitness. So those are the three things that really help when you’re hearing the wailing dad or you’re, you know, hearing the mom say,’ I don’t know how I just left my child in the car,’ or mom who rolled over and didn’t realize that baby, you know, tired moms who are just — it’s hard. And there’s so much judgment. But until you’re in that picture, it’s like you can’t really judge, you know,” Desiree said.
ABC hosts bereavement support groups on the last Wednesday of every month, providing a safe and meaningful space for families to connect, share and begin the healing process. These groups include grief care activities and pet therapy, which has been especially impactful.
Desiree is hopeful to implement more engaging group therapy this fall, like an E-motion Support Group that incorporates physical activity into the healing journey, such as training together to complete a 5K in honor of a child who has been lost.
They have also made a focused effort to engage bereaved fathers, and attendance among dads continues to grow. Hearing fathers openly share their experiences has been incredibly powerful.
One of their biggest efforts this year is encouraging more grieving men and fathers to receive support, because grief can affect the body on a cellular level.
“The male is the head of their home for most households,” she said. “And we wanted to make sure that they were not being ignored, you know, because a lot of times ‘mom had a baby,’ and so everybody’s like, you know, laser focused on mom.”
ABC of Southwest Texas is averaging 15 to 20 people who come to their support groups each month. Desiree hopes that the community knows they have “a guardian angel, a rear guard” here for them to call in the event that they lose a child and to help them through the grieving process.
“Now they know that the last Wednesday of the month they will come here. We will serve them dinner. We will have a counselor to give them some direct support of what to do and how to deal with it. With a loss, we’ll provide grief affirmations and memorial activity and just time for them to talk and connect that they’re not alone in this journey because there’s healing and community,” Desiree said.
Resources
The resources below are intended to support those who are grieving and the loved ones who want to help them. Grief can be difficult to navigate, not only for the person experiencing it but also for the people who care about them. If you are mourning a loss, these resources may offer comfort, guidance and understanding and if you are someone who wants to support a grieving friend or family member but aren’t sure how to help, these resources can provide insight into showing up with compassion, patience and care.
- ABC of Southwest Texas - Bereavement Program | 210.227.0170 ext:2001; support groups are held the last Wednesday of each month, 6pm - 7pm
- Hope Hospice/ New Braunfels | 830.358.5300
- Porter Loring Family Grief Support “Forever Loved” | 210.227.8221
- Sarah’s Heart | 210.826.1552
- Parents of Murdered Children & General Support | 830.981.9490
- Children’s Bereavement Center | 210.736.4847
- SOLOS (San Antonio Chapter) | 210.885.7069 ; 408.806.7820; 210.722.9752
- VITAS Hospice | 866.491.4512
- SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support - National | 1.800.821.6819
- Dignity Memorial | 866.649.9641
KSAT Community operates in partnership with University Health and Randolph-Brooks Federal Credit Union. Click hereto read about other KSAT Community efforts.